Chapter 3 - first trip out to Srinigar

 It is quiet at Samrat, it's situated on a highway  between two main towns, both about a 30 minute drive away. The quiet, peaceful mountain views gave me a lot of time to process, which I so desperately needed to do. I was terrified of sitting with myself, but knew I needed to, to get past it I needed to acknowledge it. 

Aside from the great amount of.courage and strength it takes to reach out for help at the bottom of that pit of depression, the next difficulty is sitting with feelings, really sitting with them. Depression, to me, is in a way, hiding from reality. You become convinced you're not worthy, not deserving, and with no worth feelings and emotions don't matter, nothing matters, everything is hopeless and pointless. And when I first reached out after months of spiralling and sinking, I had no self worth, but others still saw my worth, others had hope for me, and I had to allow them to carry that worth and hope for me. 

And sitting looking out at those mountains, I could have been anywhere in the world.. I was just relieved I was no longer in Sydney, which had become haunted by so many memories, a "home" I dread returning to. 

After a few days of quiet reflection, and trying to adjust my sleeping patterns, and still feeling so utterly stuck in that spiral, we headed over to Srinigar. It is so different here, the people, the culture and way of life  the shop fronts, the food... it was a lot to take in.

And cows,  cows everywhere! They are considered sacred beings here in India, and slaughtering them is prohibited in most states. The main religions here in India (Hinduism, bhuddism, and Jainism),at their core, embrace the concept of Ahimsa, that all living beings are sacred. Violence towards other living beings is to be violent towards oneself, and karma will come back and bite you!

This means most of the population here are vegetarian, most restaurants are purely vegetarian, and the restaurants that do serve meat, the only meat I've seen on menus has been chicken, and occasionally lamb. As someone who was vegan for several years, the predominantly plant based way of life has made it all the more easier to embrace and enjoy the food and culture here.

I've never been super religious. Spiritual yes, religious? Hm. I was brought up Christian, with a clairvoyant mother. And really, at their core, most religions say the same thing: "don't be a jerk to one another, everyone has value, and there's a God/Goddess out there who loves you". 

I have sort of explored Buddhism in the past, which seems more of a way of life than a religion. 

"Be kind whenever possible. 
It is always possible."
- The Dalai Lama