Late nights, deep thoughts

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. 

I've hurt people, and I've been hurt. 

I have trouble forgiving myself.

I blame myself, even when it wasn't my fault.

I apologise, even when I'm the one hurting. 

I'm trying to be a better version of me. I'm trying to forgive myself, and love myself, the way I love others. But it's not easy. 

I'm trying to allow myself to be loved, while standing tall in my worth, and creating boundaries. 

I'm trying to look towards a future, when I look back at a past full of so much pain.

I'm trying to be present, and not let the dark thoughts weigh me down. 

I'm trying. 

Whispers of Doubt

 I'm a whirlwind of emotions tonight and as usual, it's easier to spit out a poem than it is to talk about how I'm feeling. 

I’m still battling with these 

Whispers of doubt

The part of me

That doesn’t believe

I can manage without

Without 

Someone holding my hand

Without 

Someone to lean on

Without support from other people

I feel lost and alone

But what does it mean, to be 

Independent and free?

Is it about choosing

A life that makes me happy?

Maybe that life

Involves support 

From people I love

With

Someone holding my hand

With

Someone to lean on

But giving me space

To make my own choice

To decide for myself

Which way forward.

Long distance love

 Long distance relationships are hard, especially early in a relationship. 

I found myself really upset last night, which turned out was fuelled by hormones. But I really missed him. 

I want movie dates, and laughter, and yummy food, and cuddling on the couch, and instead, we've got video calls... and texts... and more video calls.. 

I'm trying to use this time to focus on me. 

But it's hard. 

I found home in his arms, and I'm homesick.